


it sounds like a superhero name

by thebitterlesbian



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: F/F, Holtzbert Week 2017
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-04
Updated: 2017-04-04
Packaged: 2018-10-14 19:30:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10543062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebitterlesbian/pseuds/thebitterlesbian
Summary: By the time the nickname ghost girl faded into her past, the lessons she’d learned throughout her eighth year had solidified in her head into a way of approaching the world around her, but the name always stuck with her as a reminder. Very few things stayed very good in Erin’s life for very long, and most people left her in some way or another.Until she met Jillian Holtzmann.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Holtzbert Week Day 3: Ghost Girl!

Erin Gilbert learned a lot throughout her eighth year, which happened to be the year she was haunted by a ghost.

She learned that people only listened to her when they could see what was wrong for themselves, instead of believing her when she told them.

She learned that it was easier to say her problems had disappeared rather than trying to explain how they hadn’t.

She learned that nightlights and being tucked in were for babies, and that, as a big girl, she didn’t need things like that.

And she learned that, sometimes, the ghosts that haunted her at night could seem more real than the living people around her.

By the time the nickname _ghost girl_ faded into her past, the lessons she’d learned throughout her eighth year had solidified in her head into a way of approaching the world around her, but the name always stuck with her as a reminder. Very few things stayed very good in Erin’s life for very long, and most people left her in some way or another.

The ghost of the old lady that visited her in her eighth year wasn’t the only ghost that visited Erin Gilbert. Instead, she came to realize that every person that ever came into her life turned into a ghost at some point, and left behind little more than memories to haunt her. Abby had been the only exception to that rule, but after their fight, Erin once again closed herself off so tightly that she didn’t think she would ever believe another person would really, truly stay with her.

Until she met Jillian Holtzmann.

***

“And…the kids at school found out. They would laugh at me and make fun of me, and everyone called me ghost girl,” Erin said. The nickname still burned at her throat, even so many years later, and she struggled to keep her words even as she continued. “Abby was the only person who believed me.”

“Kids can be mean, man, but I believe you,” Patty said, shaking her head slowly before looking up at Erin.

“Thanks,” the physicist smiled and nodded her head, shoulders shrugging a little.

“I have some questions,” Holtzmann said, winking at Erin when Patty scoffed and rolled her eyes.

“Well, it was a long time ago,” Erin muttered. She tried to ignore the way Holtzmann’s wink had made her heart race and the way her accompanying smirk had made her body temperature skyrocket, so she quickly turned her attention back to the table in front of her. As she struggled to force her pulse back down to normal she wondered when, if ever, the engineer would stop having that effect on her. She’d already accepted that it would probably be never.

The rest of the afternoon passed in strange bursts. Erin tried her best to concentrate on the numbers in front of her, but every few minutes, her mind would drift back to Holtzmann’s wink and smile. This would, inevitably, prompt her to glance across their small office/lab/workspace, the same way she did every time Holtzmann flirted with her. Each time her eyes fell on the blonde she felt her heart race and a blush creep up her cheeks, and she dropped her gaze immediately.

The end of the day came and went as she stared at her whiteboard. She was finally able to concentrate on her work once Holtzmann had slipped away from the second-floor lab to scour dumpsters for parts. Abby and Patty had both called out when they left, wishing her a good weekend, but her eyes were locked on the equations in front of her.

She had filled two whiteboards with numbers and letters in various colors and was copying them onto paper as quickly as she could write when she heard Holtzmann thudding up the stairs behind her. Her heartbeat jumped but she kept her eyes on the numbers until the other woman spoke behind her.

“I meant what I said earlier, about the questions,” Holtzmann said, her voice low and lacking its usual suggestive undertones.

The engineer dropped whatever she had found to the floor and Erin heard a variety of sounds – metallic thumps and hollow thuds, as well as an unexpected rattling noise she couldn’t place. She turned on her heel, looking first at the pile of reclaimed trash at Holtzmann’s feet. Her eyes travelled upwards over the other woman’s body before stopping on Holtzmann’s bright blue ones.

The engineer winked again and Erin’s mouth went dry. She felt her cheeks glow red as a blush spread upwards from her neck, and she drew in a deep breath.

“What questions could you possibly have about that story, Holtzmann?” Erin managed to ask, forcing a laugh afterwards.

Holtzmann paused, moving before saying anything. She stepped over the pile of discarded hardware and leaned against her worktable, folding her arms over her chest and staring at Erin for a few seconds. When she spoke, her voice was soft.

“Like, why you still let the nickname bother you,” Holtzmann said simply, still watching the physicist. The words fell from her lips with a gentle curiosity that made Erin’s breath hitch. She hadn’t thought the other woman could be responsible for such softness.

A hundred explanations, some truer than others, bounced around Erin’s head. She breathed deeply once before spitting out the first one that formed on her tongue.

“It happened during a very formative period in my life,” she offered, hearing the flimsiness in her own voice and knowing the other woman would push further. She forced herself to keep her eyes on the other woman, who responded to her excuse with an uncharacteristically calm smile.

“Erin,” Holtzmann sighed. “You can trust me, you know. I won’t make fun of you.” She slid from the desk onto the floor, crossing her legs and patting the space in front of her. “Come here.”

Erin didn’t know why the intensity in the other woman’s eyes pulled the truth from her brain, but before she was aware that her body was moving she was sitting cross-legged on the floor. Her knees pressed against Holtzmann’s, and she took comfort in the warmth of the contact.

She opened her mouth, but her throat was tight and she sighed, shaking her head. Tears already burned at the corners of her eyes and she blinked them away. She swallowed slowly past the lump in her throat until it relaxed. When she raised her eyes to meet Holtzmann’s a few moments later, she found the other woman staring back at her with a mixture of concern and comfort in her eyes.

Just like the tone of the blonde’s voice had done a minute earlier, the clear emotions in Holtzmann’s eyes took Erin’s breath away. Her mind wandered briefly to the fact that she’d never seen Holtzmann sit for so long in one place (unless you counted the morning she’d walked into the lab over the restaurant to see Holtzmann asleep over her worktable, screwdriver gripped loosely in her hand, blonde curls falling over her cheek, and in a general state of Real Life Sleeping Beauty that Erin was distracted for almost twenty minutes until Abby crashed up the stairs and Holtzmann jerked awake). The thought sent a distracting warmth through her chest but she pushed it from her head and sighed before opening her mouth again.

“It still bothers me because it’s something I never got over,” Erin said. She ducked her head and stared at her hands, clasped in her lap. Saying the words out loud made the lump rise up in her throat again, even tighter.

“Seeing a ghost like that isn’t something people just get over, Er,” Holtzmann said quietly. Her voice was so gentle Erin couldn’t help but glance up to her eyes. They were wide open and soft and Erin’s heart thudded heavily again when her own gaze met them. “I’m sure that guy from the mansion still gets anxious. You know, the one who didn’t poop his pants.”

Erin giggled at the first sign of humor in the other woman’s voice, but Holtzmann only smiled before her face fell back into a serious gaze and she leaned forward, elbows on her knees, to look at the physicist.

“Not that, I mean…” Erin paused, trying to pick out the right words to say. “When my parents started to lose patience with me, and when I lost all my friends because nobody wanted to be seen with _ghost girl_ ,” she shuddered as she spat out the words, “it kind of started to seem like…ghosts were more real than people. Because people always left, but ghosts kept coming back.”

Holtzmann made a small noise in the back of her throat, but didn’t say anything. Her eyes hadn’t moved from Erin’s as the physicist talked, and Erin found some comfort in the other woman’s stare.

Erin took a shaky breath past the lump in her throat and continued. “So then I had the real ghosts in my life, and the ghosts that people left behind when they disappeared. And that’s just kind of always happened. People don’t stay.”

Her throat tightened painfully as tears flooded back into her eyes, hot and sharp. One splashed down onto her cheek. Even as another fell, she felt a stab of shame at the fact that she was an adult woman crying over being alone.

She watched Holtzmann’s eyes follow the movement before the other woman raised a hand and brushed it away with her thumb. The movement sent a shiver through Erin, and Holtzmann jerked her hand away when Erin’s body tensed up.

“Sorry, it was just…you just…tears,” Holtzmann said quickly, shrugging.

Erin noticed a faint pink tinge color the blonde’s pale skin where her neck peeked out from underneath her t-shirt. She wondered briefly what it could possibly mean, feeling her pulse pick up speed, before she shook her head.

“It’s okay. I didn’t mind. It was nice,” Erin admitted, feeling her cheeks burn even brighter. “But…anyway, that’s why the nickname still bothered me. I’m not used to people sticking around. They all just…turn into ghosts. Even now, as an adult. I’ve never really had…anyone.”

“Well, you have us now,” Holtzmann said, smiling as she swung her arm and gestured around the room. “We aren’t going anywhere.”

“Thanks, Holtz,” Erin smiled as the last tear slipped onto her cheek. Before she could raise her hand, Holtzmann swiped a knuckle gently under her eye. Instead of moving her hand away, she cupped Erin’s cheek and held it for a few seconds.

Without thinking, Erin shifted her head slightly to the side. She pressed a light kiss to the inside of Holtzmann’s palm, at the base of her thumb. It was so soft that Holtzmann may not have noticed it, if she hadn’t been watching. The blonde slid her hand away quickly, making Erin gasp.

Her cheeks blazed red as she scrambled up, suddenly worried she’d crossed a line and already forming an apology in her mind. She blinked quickly a few times before looking back down Holtzmann, who was blinking back up at her.

To her surprise, Holtzmann’s skin rivaled her own shade of pink. “No problem, Erin. I mean it. You have us now.” Despite the blush, her voice was as gentle as it had been since she had returned.

The engineer then scrambled up after her, taking Erin’s hand when she held it out to help. Instead of dropping it when she was upright, she shifted and wrapped her arms around Erin’s waist.

Erin’s heart threatened to beat through her chest as Holtzmann pulled her into a tight hug. The blonde’s perfume filled her nostrils, mingled with other various lab smells Erin hadn’t realized she’d come to associate with the other woman. The thought made her heart beat faster, and she thought it might explode when she felt Holtzmann’s lips graze her cheek in a light kiss.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Holtzmann whispered into her ear. The sensation sent a chill down Erin’s spine and she shivered, making Holtzmann jump back. “Sorry, too much?”

“Not at all,” Erin said, blushing as she ducked her head. She already missed the warmth of the blonde wrapped around her body but she stepped back towards her own desk. “But…I think I’m going to head out for the weekend. I just wanted to crack that equation.” She jerked her head in the direction of the whiteboards. Her heart sunk as she spoke the words, but she didn’t trust herself to not wrap the other woman back up in her arms and refuse to let go until the next day.

Something Erin couldn’t place flashed in the Holtzmann’s eyes, and a nervous frown crinkled her forehead slightly. It almost looked like she was…disappointed? Erin was focused on deciphering the engineer’s expression, and almost missed the other woman start to speak.

“Would you want to…come over for a little while? And watch a movie? It’s-a-Harry-Potter-weekend-and-I-always-watch-so-if-you-want-to-join-you-can-or-we-can-watch-something-else-if-you-want,” Holtzmann rushed the last sentence out in one breath.

Erin watched another pink blush creep up the blonde’s neck as she tried to deconstruct the run-on word. She repeated the other woman’s questions in her head as if she was trying to convince herself the blonde had really asked.

“I mean, you don’t have to, I just figured--” Holtzmann said, her voice high and her eyes wide.

“I’d love to, Holtzmann. And Harry Potter sounds perfect,” Erin smiled. Happiness erupted in her chest when the blonde returned the grin, excitement etched into her features.

Erin hesitantly tore her gaze from the other woman’s smile. She gathered some papers and books up, shoving them into her bag and slinging it over her shoulder before turning back to Holtzmann.

The blonde bounced on the balls of her feet in front of her desk. Her hands were shoved into her pockets and her lips were curled up slightly in an excited smirk. Erin couldn’t help but smile back at her.

She followed Holtzmann to the door, sidestepping the pile of junk that the blonde stepped over. The blonde was halfway across the room, the day’s haul clearly forgotten, when Erin’s mind flashed back to the sounds it had made when it had hit the floor.

“Holtzmann,” she called, slowing to a stop near the doorway.

“What’s up, Er?” the blonde said, stopping her hips mid-shimmy as she danced down the stairs.

“What _rattled_ when you dumped it on the floor earlier?” Erin gestured back into the workspace.

“Oh, a maraca,” Holtzmann shrugged, glancing up at Erin.

“What on earth do you need a maraca for? Are you going to serenade a ghost to sleep?” Erin laughed as she walked towards the stairs.

“Nah, just in case we need to… _shake_ things up a bit,” Holtzmann replied, barely biting back a giggle.

Erin rolled her eyes and shook her head, but her face split into a grin as she brushed past Holtzmann, who was doubled over with laughter at her own joke, one hand on the end of the railing at the bottom of the stairs.

“Wait!” the blonde called after her as she pushed open the door and stepped out into the New York City evening. “We should talk about that! Singing ghosts to sleep! Think of the ghost lullabies! EEEERIN!”

The physicist shook her head and giggled, but slowed to a stop to wait for the other woman. Her heart still thudded throughout her body, but she shook with excitement instead of nerves or worry as she followed the other woman to her apartment.

They kept up a steady stream of conversation as they walked, which didn’t stop as they settled onto Holtzmann’s couch to watch Harry Potter rescue Ginny Weasley from the Chamber of Secrets. Holtzmann consistently provided her own creatively inappropriate spells and unusual thoughts about the goings-on at Hogwarts throughout most of the next movie, and Erin laughed at each one of her ‘Siriusly’ puns.

Their conversation faded out as they watched the huge black dog drag Ron into the roots of the Whomping Willow. Holtzmann was nestled into the arm of the couch and at some point, Erin had leaned into the blonde’s side. Holtzmann’s arm was draped lazily across Erin’s shoulders.

They sat comfortably in silence until Harry lost himself to the dementors. Erin’s body tightened slightly against the other woman even as she tried to calm herself, but the thought of losing every happy memory she’d ever made – many of which, she realized, had been recently made and involved the woman holding her – sent panic through her like waves. She focused on steadying her breathing, but felt her body start to shake.

Without asking, Holtzmann wrapped her arm closer around Erin’s shoulders. As Erin relaxed into the pressure, she felt her breathing even out. Her body stilled, except for a few last shivers that passed through her stomach. Underneath her, the blonde took a deep breath.

“It sounds like a superhero name, you know,” she said, not looking away from the television in front of her.

“What do you mean?” Erin asked, her voice soft but stronger than it normally would be after narrowly avoiding a panic attack.

“Ghost Girl. It sounds like a superhero name. You’re a superhero, Er,” Holtzmann murmured, still determinedly focused on the movie.

Erin shifted against the other woman’s side, turning her head to look at the blonde. Holtzmann kept her gaze on the television, so Erin stretched her neck and tilted her head to press a kiss to the other woman’s cheek.

“Thank you, Holtzmann. Really,” Erin tried to pour her emotions into the few words she could think of.

Holtzmann turned and met her eyes, then smiled. She leaned in and captured Erin’s lips with her own. The movement forced the air from Erin’s lungs and when Holtzmann pulled away a second later, a smirk tugging the corners of her lips upwards, her heart was thudding through every part of her body. She blinked slowly and pressed her fingers gently against her lips, which were curved into a smile she couldn’t contain.

“No problem, ghost girl,” Holtzmann whispered through her grin, leaning back into the couch and pulling Erin against her. “Also, I hope that was okay, because I enjoyed that, and would like to experience it again.”

“I think that can be arranged,” Erin said, still in disbelief that Jillian Holtzmann had done everything that Jillian Holtzmann had done that afternoon. She felt a kiss pressed into the top of her head and she snaked an arm around Holtzmann’s waist, smiling to herself.

For the first time, she was sure someone would stay.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading my first submission for Holtzbert Week! I hope you enjoyed it! Kudos and comments literally make my day/week/life so if you did like it, let me know why over on Tumblr (anothercaffeinatedlesbian)!


End file.
